Giving it all to God

Ya know, God has really funny timing sometimes. I mean I know his timing is always perfect, but it certainly doesnt always seem perfect when we are experiencing it. If you were to ask me a year ago if we were ready for a baby, I would've said yes. In fact, it was almost exactly a year ago ( beginning of May) that Justin and I decided to start trying for a baby. It took 8 months to get pregnant. And now here I am 21 weeks pregnant and I dont feel like we are ready at all. I'm wondering why God chose to wait 8 months to breathe life into that womb.

Justin lost his job in the beginning of March and has just now found a full time job. It isnt the full time job we were looking for either. Granted, I am very thankful and I do think there is a purpose for him finding this specific full time job. He just accepted a full time job at Ashley furniture making 8.50 an hr. Ashley furniture is a God-honoring and I do think he will prosper from it. But lets face it, the pay isnt that great. What I am so confused about is why God blessed me with my  job a year and a half ago where I now make $13 an hr and Justin has only found a job making 8.50. Isn't is suppose to be the other way around? Isn't he suppose to be the provider for the household? So what exactly is going on, God? I would like to quit my job when Jude comes and we have always planned for me to be a stay at home mom. However, at this rate I have no idea what is going on. I know God knows and I know he is watching me probably smiling down telling me to be patient. When in fact he knows I am not patient in any manner.

Justin was offered a job making 13.50 an hr and turned it down. Why, do you ask? Because the Holy Spirit led him to say no. and I have no idea why. We are in the middle of trying to buy everything we need for Jude's arrival while also trying to move. Life is just rough.

Its so hard to trust God and not worry. I am trying my very hardest to turn everything over to him. I just have no idea what is going on and where we will be in 4 months when Jude arrives. and that terrifies me. I feel like in order to trust God I have to hold my breath and I cant do it for that long...I guess He's just trying to get me to stretch my faith a little bit further....it hurts....